You: Entry 001

Time check: 1:30 AM 

It's been a long day for me in school. After class, I immediately went home, ate and read Jennifer Smith's Geography of You and Me. Hindi ko napansin nakatulog na pala ako. I was grateful for having a kinda' good rest after a week na pagpupuyat because of our research paper. And I'm super glad na tumutulong na yung mga kagrupo ko and------ 

Wait, this blog wasn't supposed to tell something about my day but rather what keeps me up in the middle of the rainy night. 

Time check: 1:35 AM

And yes, this blog is supposed to be about you, and finally, here I am, talking about you or better say having the courage to talk about you  'cause I just can't contain the happiness you brought me. I feel like Lucy, the main character of the novel that I've read. No, don't get me wrong, not like I was stuck in an elevator with you like what happened to Lucy and Owen. But right now, I am stuck. Not in an elevator. But with the words you have told me tonight. It wasn't 'I love you' or any cheesy words I've read in every novel. 

"You are valuable to me. Not in the romantic way but I don't wanna' lose you." 

Your voice still lingers in my ears, echoing those words and keep me up on this rainy night. I imagined you, standing inside a bus on your way home. I know we're friends and I have to remind myself not to hope or atleast think of you as my Owen or Oliver or any other man in the novels I've read. But just like Lucy, I can't help myself from thinking that maybe all the simple things we've shared together meant something for you. From the moment we talked about letting go of someone who is really special to you, about how you love this certain sport, how was your day went from time to time and even how we talked about every girls you try to flirt with. 

And perhaps, something between you and me is a novel-nostalgic thing. Like something pushes me to believe that somewhere, out there, I've read about a story of you and me. Not really a story that ends with a happy ending, like a fairy tale and every girls dream of but a story of you and me. Just simply you and me and not a story of being together - maybe like how Alaska Young pushes Miles Halter into a great perhaps, like how you change my world, like how you interfere on my perceptions in life because yeah, we always talk about how ironic life is - that it crushes us to become whole and be the person who really wanted to be. 

I suddenly remember what are the other words you've told me tonight - that somehow, she didn't fill in the void you have, not like she's not perfect enough and you totally understand that she can't give all her time for you but that's what you just felt, - that there is something missing. And right now, I started  to think: What if? What if I will be able to take care of you? I know I am not pretty or beautiful and you know that I'm a real mess but what if you look at me like how Park look at Eleanor? "Eleanor was right. She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.” What if I will be able to make you feel something?

What' and 'if' two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: 'What if?' 

-Letters to Juliet