Time check: 11:35 PM
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell------
Wait. The rain has stopped but I decided to continue the music playing on YouTube. Take note, on repeat. The song is playing on loop. Why? I don't know. I know nothing aside from the fact that you are the one that keeps wandering on my mind while this song's playing tonight.
Song check: Officially Missing You by Tamia
It's been a couple of months since I posted my first entry about you. And here I am again, having that courage to write about you. It's been a while and so much has happened. I'm not gonna go on the details of what happened between you and me, specifically the things that we did together but I promise, I'm going to be raw and honest tonight. Well, atleast I'm going to be honest with you with what I really feel but the things is, I can only be honest with you here.
It's been a couple of months since I posted my first entry about you. And here I am again, having that courage to write about you. It's been a while and so much has happened. I'm not gonna go on the details of what happened between you and me, specifically the things that we did together but I promise, I'm going to be raw and honest tonight. Well, atleast I'm going to be honest with you with what I really feel but the things is, I can only be honest with you here.
We met each other in an unknown place, in our own downfall and in our messed up reality. As time goes by, I just realize I already built a home in you unconsciously but the things is, you only built a house in me. That's when I realized how my elementary teacher taught me the difference of house and home.
'House refers only to a building in which someone lives while a home is any location or building with a love existing inside.'
I'm certain that you gave me a glimpse of your ways on how you love; you gave me a glimpse of something I long and now I found myself longing for the ways you make me feel loved. The way you used to call me everyday whenever you are in the locker room changing clothes right after your training, in the convenient store having snacks with your team mates, crossing the road or standing inside the bus on your way home, in your vacant time during school days, right after you play basketball with your friends, while you're driving, laying on your bed getting ready to sleep, going to hospital for check ups, or even when you used to drunk call me and tell me to do things that can possibly make you forget about her.
You used to do those things but in an instance, we became friends and you stopped. You stopped because you offered a genuine friendship and perhaps that was the time I started to build a home in you. You've got to know me better and likewise I towards you. I still remember that windy night you called me. That was the very first time I hear you cry. You called me, sobbing, telling me how much your friends hurt you; how much you've been trying to bear the hardships you have with the people around you. That's the time I realized I wanted to take care of you. Hug you. I told myself that is the first thing I'm going to do when I see you. A shoulder. That's the thing I wanted to give you when I see you. But I didn't, didn't I? I was too afraid to do that because I don't want to be at the point wherein I'll wake up not knowing where was I in you.
And these past few days, I found myself longing for your morning calls; on how you call me at 5 AM in the morning for me not to be late in school or how you'll remind me to call you and wake you up at 10:00 PM so you'll be able to get off the bus at the right time and maybe even how I used to listen to your poem written for her or to the song you dedicate for her. But those were the things you used to do before but now you're not because you have new girls whom you ask if they have eaten already, if they are already home and so on plus the fact that I've become your friend. And friends are like stars, you may lost connection with them or you may not able to see them everyday, you know they're still there. Maybe I was your star indeed, whenever everything gets dark around you, that's the only time you'll be able to see me but for me, "you are the light in which my spirit's born, you are my sun, my moon and all of my stars." You keep me from day to night. And for that let me use the words of William Thacker from Notting Hill, You are someone who can't be mine and it's as if I've taken love heroin and now I can't ever have it again. Indeed, I can't ever have you again because you've never been mine in the first place.
And these past few days, I found myself longing for your morning calls; on how you call me at 5 AM in the morning for me not to be late in school or how you'll remind me to call you and wake you up at 10:00 PM so you'll be able to get off the bus at the right time and maybe even how I used to listen to your poem written for her or to the song you dedicate for her. But those were the things you used to do before but now you're not because you have new girls whom you ask if they have eaten already, if they are already home and so on plus the fact that I've become your friend. And friends are like stars, you may lost connection with them or you may not able to see them everyday, you know they're still there. Maybe I was your star indeed, whenever everything gets dark around you, that's the only time you'll be able to see me but for me, "you are the light in which my spirit's born, you are my sun, my moon and all of my stars." You keep me from day to night. And for that let me use the words of William Thacker from Notting Hill, You are someone who can't be mine and it's as if I've taken love heroin and now I can't ever have it again. Indeed, I can't ever have you again because you've never been mine in the first place.
Like what I've said, it's funny how we talked about how ironic life is. I've learned something about that from all the experiences we somehow shared. Do you wanna' know what's the new ironic thing I learned from the story of us? Sometimes the one that reminds you to protect your heart is the one that breaks your heart unknowingly.
I don't know how long you're going to break it unknowingly but I promise to stay. Whenever you want someone to talk to, whenever you need me, I'll always be here for you. No matter how much and how many times you're going to hurt me, I will not hate you because there's only one thing I hate - "I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all." And whatever might be the term you'll call the thing that we have shared, I don't care. It was a beautiful mistake and I don't regret anything. In fact, I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I don't know how long you're going to break it unknowingly but I promise to stay. Whenever you want someone to talk to, whenever you need me, I'll always be here for you. No matter how much and how many times you're going to hurt me, I will not hate you because there's only one thing I hate - "I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all." And whatever might be the term you'll call the thing that we have shared, I don't care. It was a beautiful mistake and I don't regret anything. In fact, I would do it again in a heartbeat.
