Confession 001

If someone asked how I am right now, I would say I am still wandering. I am still wandering for a thing I didn't even know. Love, perhaps? Accompany, perhaps? I don't know. If someone asked me how I am for the past years, I would say I was wandering; meeting strangers, giving them a part of me. I've met a lot of them. Created a story with them; forcing myself to believe on this love story I created in the cyber world. They loved me. I loved them. Just like that. Just strangers with a memory of being passionate with each other to just check out if I can feel something, if perhaps, I am still alive; Just strangers whom I have given passionate kisses, let them feel my lips pressing on their neck down to their chests; let them feel my skin against them, let them touch my breasts and kissed them the way they wanted to; let them see my bare skin and my naked body. All of them became the strangers whom I made love to and it all happened in this cyber world I created to. In this cyber world where I feel loved and happy. This is how my life has been. I have this own world beside from the physical world I live in. I have this world inside my head, I have this deepest darkest secrets of coping hidden under my skin. I just can't quit being in this cycle because this is how I have been surviving. This became my resting place with all the setbacks I have. How can I stop this cycle? It is self-destructing and tiring at the same time. How can I end something that somehow keeps me going? I know that looking for someone who'll love me with all his heart and take me seriously wouldn't be a good solution but what if it'll help like how it did to me before? What if?